The Tandem Fic That Really Didn't Work
by Ivy Retrao
Summary: A battle between two authoresses, one a not-so-hopeless romantic and the other a sci-fi junky. They decide they want to write a ranma tandem fic...


Opposing Viewpoints or The Destruction of the Universe  
  
(and yes, the "or" separates our ideas for the title)  
  
...or our agreement on the title, the Tandem Fic That Really Didn't Work  
  
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Fee: Konnichiha, furenzu!!! (hello, friends!) this is our (Fyona and Ulee) tandem fic for Ranma 1/2!!!  
  
Ulee: We have here a hopeless romantic and a sci-fi buff. Try to guess who's who.  
  
Fee: I'm not hopeless!!! I have a boyfriend, and most of the pairings I support actually happen!!! BTW, the "hopeless" romantic and sci-fi buff are constantly trying to send the plot in their respective directions, and it really doesn't work.  
  
Ulee: -_-' you idiot! You ruined the guessing game! But it's true about the competing plotlines.  
  
Fee: *makes a face at Ulee*  
  
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We disclaim Ranma 1/2. 'Nuff said.  
  
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Ranma wandered around the city (on fences) and wondered why he was wandering. He had come out to think about something, but after Cologne told him to marry Shampoo, and he got into a fight with her, and finally got away, he had forgotten what he had started wandering to think about. He had figured out that it was about someone, but he wasn't sure whom. One of... the... um... Tendo's? That sounded right. But who?  
  
Thoughts of that nature, however, were cut short as the bush beside him exploded, and he found himself artfully dodging a thoroughly pissed Ryoga. "Ranma, you baka! How dare you run out on our fight AGAIN??????" Ranma thought about this for a while, before finally recalling the 'fight' that was supposed to happen three months ago. Ryoga, of course had failed to show up, and (although unknown to him) had been wandering around Russia for most of that time.  
  
"RAN-" Ryoga was cut short as he ran straight into Ranma's fist. "Baka," Ranma said calmly. "I waited where you said we were going to meet for a week. Again." Ryoga, however, was lying very unconscious on the sidewalk. Ranma sweatdropped, and continued along the fence. Damn it! Now he had forgotten what he was thinking about again!!! 'Might as well head home', he decided, and, darting from fence to fence, he returned to the Tendo residence.  
  
When he entered the Dojo, his eyes became as wide as dinner plates, and he hastily ran out, afraid that he had got the wrong house. He was stopped as a very loud, and very slurred, voice called him back. "Heyyy... Rannn..mmmaahhh... Why're y'all runninn' aaaawwayyyy???" Nabiki shouted.  
  
Ranma ran even faster away from the dojo, hoping Akane hadn't been in that group of drunken maniacs. After running for about twenty minutes in no particular direction, he plopped down on some grass in a park, right in front of a "Keep Off the Grass" sign. He lay back (hitting his head on the sign in the process) and closed his eyes. Suddenly a voice startled him, and made his heart skip a beat.  
  
"Ranma..." it whispered. Ranma looked around. "Who's there?" he shouted. A loud cackle was his only reply. Sitting up he noticed a polished black rock by his left foot. He picked it up, but quickly dropped it as he yelped in pain. He looked at the small puncture mark on the palm of his hand, and noticed small lines of black creeping their way along under his flesh.  
  
(A/N- where the heck are you takin' this, psycho?)  
  
(A/N2- not to the land of romantic fluff, that's for sure! ;)  
  
(-_-' baka.) Ranma, after being annoyed at the Authoress' chat, wondered what was happening to his hand, and who's voice it had been that had sounded so like Akane's. He decided to ignore it and go find the previously mentioned person.  
  
However, before he could take five steps, he was assaulted by an intense nausea and pain in his head. He collapsed, in too much pain to notice the hooded figure that approached him silently.  
  
He had just enough strength to roll over and get a hazy look at the figure. "A... Aka... Ne...?" he whispered. "oh, you spoiled my dramatic entrance!" Akane grumbled, throwing her hood off.  
  
Ranma fainted then, the pain was so intense. Akane laughed at his pitiful attempts to return to consciousness. 'this is just as my Master said it would be!' she thought gleefully. She picked up Ranma's unconscious form with surprising strength and started to slowly walk towards her Master's secret hideout.  
  
"Akane" continued walking until the demon that had possessed her fled, because the girl's love for his Master's target had overpowered him. Akane blinked and glanced down at the weight in her arms. She blushed, realizing it was an unconscious Ranma. "wha...?" she said. 'what just happened?' she wondered as she turned back in the direction of the dojo.  
  
She was stopped as the figure in her arms stirred. She hurriedly set him down. Ranma Only had two blinks of time before his eyes glowed an unearthly red. He grabbed Akane's hand, and injected the same poison into her bloodstream. She screamed and collapsed, writhing in pain. Ranma smirked. 'perfect' he thought as he slung her over his shoulder and leapt away from the town into the black of the night.  
  
Thankfully for the two unfortunate teens, sunrise was fifteen minutes off, and with it would come their cure. As "Ranma" darted through the forest, he cackled maniacally (he _was_ possessed, after all) but stopped suddenly as the sun's UV rays danced through the trees and struck his and Akane's faces, causing the pieces of an other demon's soul to perish as they fled the bodies that were now both unconscious on the forest floor.  
  
However, as it was poison, and not demons that possessed the two, they both got up and continued to the giant spaceship hidden in the mountains. As they entered the giant metal form, the door clanged shut behind them. On autopilot, the ship sped through space to the star Alpha Orionus.  
  
But as the two regained their true senses, realizing they were both going to die anyway, they embraced each other and kissed passionately as, together, they pulled open the spaceship's door into the vast expanse of oxygen-less space. They both died quickly, but remained embracing each other in the kiss.  
  
Their lifeless bodies were sucked into the atmosphere of a nearby planet, and were dissected and eaten by the natives.  
  
Because one of the authoresses had decided to fill them with poison, however, the entire species was killed off, even though they were the only other sentient race in the galaxy that humans could've contacted five minutes later.  
  
But none of that mattered, as the galaxy was being sucked into a black hole and everyone would be crushed pretty soon. Oops, there they go now.  
  
The energy from an entire galaxy completely blew apart the universe, and so came the Big Bang II, and a few thousand years later, a planet was created and the first two life forms had Ranma and Akane's souls that had wandered together until they found a life form to use.  
  
Until, that is, Akane divorced Ranma and the two life forms both died, and Akane's spirit would never be within 200 light years of Ranma's ever again.  
  
Why not?  
  
Because he called her Tofu.  
  
No he didn't! she mistook "I love you" as "You are tofu"! so it was her fault!  
  
Well, she still hates him either way.  
  
She can't! mwahaha, the creator of Ranma 1/2 wrote it so that they fell in love! I know it!!!  
  
Well, in case you forgot, they're dead too. So Mwahaha.  
  
Only cause you're a sci-fi junky and you made our universe die.  
  
At least my plotline won't make the readers vomit.  
  
At least mine won't insult Rumiko Takahashi.  
  
Hopeless Romantic.  
  
Bakayaro.  
  
Barbie.  
  
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Fee:....and so we conclude the tandem fic that really didn't work.  
  
Ulee: I don't know what I can add to that.  
  
Fee: Ja Ne, annoyed readers!!!  
  
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END 


End file.
